I had to prepare myself to type this one out, being that it is the most significant of tracks on Logos. Victor is both:

• One who defeats an adversary; the winner in a fight, battle, contest, or struggle.
• A fictional character of my design.

While the title is important to a degree, it has little to do with the message of the song (It is track 8 for this very reason). The same elements from Opium Stairway were used in the writing of this song, but it existed in words and rhythm long before I was able to sit down and arrange it in Cubase. It is one of the few examples of where my intuitive visions are so powerful, they remain for days after I have them. This particular one came about after visiting my Father and my two sisters and brother who live with him. I am the oldest of all my siblings by many years. The oldest of my three sisters (two from him and one from my mother) is 15 and I am currently 29.

Without going into too many details of my personal life and its associated emotional strife, it is safe to say that seeing them after so many years growing up without me and seeing the state of my Father's life was too much to handle at once. I laid by wife and cried myself to sleep that night as softly as I could, because I didn't dare try to start a conversation about something so embarrassing in such a quiet and sound sensitive house, even if I had the ability to have that conversation (which I didn't). It is very difficult for me to try to package all the individual things that led up to my emotional break down, I repeatedly wondered: what was really wrong and why it had such an impact on me for days following our departure?

The drive to the airport brought a slow and steady, deep intuitive epiphany about my emotions - sort of like my unconscious mind trying to show me what caused my break down. Of course it wasn't until I got back, wrote the song out fully, and listened to it, that I recreated the break down and experienced the individual flashes of what my mind was trying to grasp. As pictures they led to the lyrics being refined and recorded over the music I made.

The original version was more of a drum and bass only track. It wasn't until later that the synths and borrowed Opium Stairway instrumentation were incorporated as textures to support the movement of the song and lyrics. I will do my best to give this song the credit it deserves, but as I said earlier in another song article: I am not well versed to express these things with words as well as I do with music.(Hence why my wife hates my hobby :) )

The song's lyrics switch back and forth, intentionally, to differing aspects of what the song is really about. On one  hand I will open up and introduce someone or something only to follow it up with an entirely new idea of that someone or something. That is exactly how it hit me: all at once and combined into some kind of black jelly sticking to my mind. To make sense of it, there are images of my youngest little Sister and how she should be the light of my life and how she isn't in my life due to circumstance. The opening lines refer to her (My little bell - my beautiful Angel), but simultaneously apply to my own arrogant, zealous, and needy nature: the one that wants things my way...exactly how they should be - to me.

The "ringing inside my head" refers to more than a few things at once (yes...I know!!!). It is as if I am talking to her and telling her how I have become, this under the assumption she knows and understands what I am saying- which I know she will never know, as I do, the lifestyle that forged her Oldest brother. It also refers to my use of the word bell to describe her: She is then instantly an object (which is not truly her, instead it is the co-factor of my epiphany from seeing in her the object that started it all, painted as a bell or something calling me to become aware to this idea in myself) and herself (termed bell for its connotations and common use).

The next set of verses beginning with "everyone knows you're a winner, with bigger things to do" has nothing to do with her or the above situation. It begins to show me, as I write the words, the true direction of some of the negative aspects that led to my breakdown. These verses have a lot to do with my opinions and apply to how I see the vast majority of most people: Overly and unhealthily self-confident, arrogant, zealous, and unaware. It concerns itself with the Human race much as VNV Nation's "Carbon" says the same thing.

The next set of verses change in my vocal presentation of them. I tried to indicate a despair in my voice  to elucidate this horrible feeling to and from my bell (as noted above). I have tried my whole life to satisfy this hole in my heart and I have filled it with knowledge of things beyond me and things that Human kind have held as sacred for all of known time. I have dedicated the best years of my life in pursuit of some occult realization or glimpse of deity/dharma and I have waited for the chance to be the bearer of this light and be able to share it with others. Of course, even to this day, it has never came to me and in times of desperation the alchemical black sun seems to overwhelm me. It is as if I am writing IOUs for the Devil to extend my search, but the demon has become impatient and my time is likely coming to an end.

When I begin saying that I have "grown tired from losing all that you choose," the object of my conversation is not the bell that I began it with. It is the demon in me and the forces reflected in nature from the proof of its presence. The bell is my sister/ the thing that caused me horror/ my realization that my life has been wasted/ the feeling of despair and powerlessness/ the demon. It is so much more, but it is all these things together as one. The demon and my perception of this nature are both demanding and both always seem to acquire what I want and leave none for me besides the personal growth from not having it.

I end the song by claiming that the way out is to burn the bell, and the sounds it resonates throughout my demented mind, into oblivion. I know that I will not claim victory over it, but as my voice expresses, I do not ever expect to.